Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Z is for Zinger

This month I'm participating in the A-Z Blogging Challenge. The theme I'm going with this year is writing humor. Follow along to learn more about the different ways to make your fiction, articles or blog posts humorous. 



Mmmmmm, Zingers.
Ok. Ok. Not those kind of Zingers...


"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?" -Phyllis Diller
 

Ha! Phyllis Diller was the queen of excellent zingers. 

A zinger is a short line of comedy, sometimes the last line of an act. It's a great and memorable punchy line with a big  impact.

Here are 20 more of my favorite Phyllis Diller zingers:


1. My photographs don’t do me justice—they just look like me.

2. Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.


3. His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.


4. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.


5. It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core.


6. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

7. What I don't like about Office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

8. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.


9. If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet them with, “Who could have done this? We have no enemies.”


10. Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.


11. Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.


12. Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.


13. My 8-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.


14. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age—as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.


15. You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. 


16. The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.


17. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.


18. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.


19. We had far too many kids. At one point our playpen was standing room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets.


20. To Ronald Reagan she said, “If you ever get to be president, and I think you may, and there's a depression— try not to have it at a bad time, like when everybody's out of work.”


Yay! The A-Z Challenge is over! 

Now I can go back to my regular blogging schedule...blog every other month or so, finally write about something slightly interesting, ok...more like something completely boring, like which kind of pillows I should buy, aplogize profusely for being apsent, blaming my children, husband, non-existent pets, dying houseplants, etc., beg readers to stick around by bribing them with drawings for trips to Jamaica which I don't giveaway  and then go silent for another long stretch. 

Hmmm...what's that you say? Maybe not the best schedule? 

So, what's your blogging schedule? Do you post a certain number of times a week? Every day? (overachiever!) Or three times a week?  

And how do you feel about Zingers? Do you like to eat them? Did you know a company bought control of the bulk of Hostess brands for a whopping $410 million? Thank goodness, right? What is a world without Twinkies and Zingers? Maybe one that would turn to carrots and celery? Ha! Yeah, right. We still have Little Debbie snacks. 

4 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, so hilarious! I love little zingers, I wish I was better at them. Man I can't wait until the dessert zingers come back this summer. I really want one!

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    Replies
    1. This is totally awesome.
      I really like this one: “Who could have done this? We have no enemies.”

      I don't have a set schedule for my blog. I suppose I should. Maybe.

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  2. These zingers were small but packed a big fun punch. Congrats on making it to the end. Will be visiting this blog more as of tomorrow.

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  3. Phyllis Diller was diamond.

    I always post my Sunday Surfing and then try to do one or two "real" posts during the week on no set schedule. That allows me a little sanity and keeps room open to spotlight authors and other guests.

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