I ran away to the library. I packed my lunchbox with cold leftover pizza, bread sticks and a bunch of sugary treats. And now I sit holed up in a study room enjoying the quiet and the hours to write.
I am so so so grateful for my husband for being supportive of this crazy dream of mine. How did I manage to snag him?
But sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time. Other times I think it's completely worth it.
Today is a good day. I know it's worth it.
I think mommas need something that is all theirs. Something that has nothing to do with their family.
Don't get me wrong. I love my children. I love my husband. I love taking care of them. I love making them meals and treats they enjoy. I love planning surprises and doing crafts with them. I love playing the Wii with my boys even though I really stink at MarioKart (when are they going to make it so you can put bumpers...like at the bowling alley...on the levels?). I love reading books to my kids and helping them with their homework and laughing at their stories. And I'm not encouraging mommas to do things that take them constantly away from those precious moments. But I don't think you can be your best self if you make your family your whole Entire World.
You need to grow as a person. You need to continue learning.
I need something that is just mine. A goal that has nothing to do with that wonderful family of mine. Something that is my own dream. And maybe that sounds selfish. But I don't think it is.
I want my children to know how much I love taking care of them, but I want them to also know I am a person with my own thoughts, wishes and plans. And I want them to see me working toward those goals. Because that's the kind of person I want them to be.
I don't want them to be someone who thinks, Oh, I wish I could do that (whatever that may be). But it's too hard or too impossible or too crazy for me to try.
I want them to be people who have their own thoughts, wishes and plans. Crazy plans. Big dreams!And to also be someone who goes after them. None of this sitting around, wishing for things to happen.
Hopefully they'll eventually see their momma also accomplish something with these big goals.
That would be Crazy Awesome, right?
Okay, enough of this, back to the writing.