Friday, February 15, 2013

9 Reasons Why Being Pregnant is Like Being an Aspiring Writer

#1: It can be highly uncomfortable at times. With pregnancy, getting up from the couch could be your biggest obstacle of the day. As a writer, it could be having to come up with a new twist for your story and your brain just isn't cooperating.

#2: Sometimes you may wonder if this was the right path to take. Really? ANOTHER child? You're actually going to go back to all those sleepless nights? Can you handle that again?

Or, maybe you think this idea of being a writer was the crazy one. You may dream of other professions and have thoughts like, "I should have been a plumber. I already have pants that don't stay up..."Maybe you consider becoming a mime. They don't have to think of any words. At all. That's brilliant!

#3: You may act oddly. People will stare at you. Get used to it.

Pregnant mommas may suddenly get obsessive about cleaning their floors. With a toothbrush. Or maybe people just stare at your belly and wonder how it could possibly have expanded to such a surprising size.

Writers, on the other hand, may have a fantastic idea pop in their head and use up all the napkins at the dinner party trying to jot them all down before they vanish. Or maybe as they're typing in the library they make intense facial expressions to go along with the different character's dialogue.

Blame it on the hormones. Or the voices in your head.

#4: You may spend quite a bit of time worrying about the final result. Will everything come together as it should in the end? Will your baby have all ten toes? And fingers?

Will your book have a satisfactory plot? Strong characters? Pull the readers along?

#5: You end up in bathroom. A lot. Either because your bladder has shrunk to the size of an infinitesimal speck.

Or because it's the only place you can find peace and quiet to get your word count done for the day.

#6: There is a lot of stretching and growing . With one this involves a closet full of elastic pants and circus tent-like tops.

With the other, as you continue to write and write and write, you find your perspective broadening and ideas growing. You need an elastic brain which can continually snap back into your works-in-progress, always striving to make them better and always being willing to do yet another draft.

#7: You may find yourself eating strange foods.

Cravings for Hermie's greasy patty melts because its the only thing that sounds remotely tasty and since you feel crummy, you totally deserve it.

Or a giant bag of peanut M&Ms leftover from Christmas and a box of stale graham crackers because it's two in the morning and you're hungry but you don't want to stop typing to make anything.

2 Chix

#8: Rejection. With pregnancy this comes from your closet. Pants with zippers and buttons are in the distant future for you. So are those shirts that aren't long enough to cover your expanding belly. (Can you tell my wardrobe isn't all that hot these days? I need to go shopping...)

For writers, this comes from editors, agents and maybe even critique partners who aren't too keen on what you've written.. Rejection can seem to come at you from every direction.

Just go buy some new shirts or...keep writing!

#9: The End Game. For expectant mothers, all the pain, tears and closet full of elastic-waisted pants are completely worth it in the end when you finally get to hold that little one who's been banging around in your middle like he's trying to learn the Macarena.

And I can only imagine the same can be said for writers. I'm sure that moment when you get to hold your finished book with its shiny hardback cover makes all the pain, tears and elastic pants you're now wearing because you sat in front of your computer too long, worth it in the end.

At least, I'm hoping so!


  1. Too true. Next time my wife complains about the discomfort of pregnancy or the pain of child birth, I'm going to be like, "Baby, you've only been pregnant once. I've written a dozen novels. Tell you what, you can complain when we have enough kids to form a baseball team." LOL.

    Great post, by the way. I loved #8!

  2. I think writers have trouble getting up from the couch as well.

    AND sometimes pregnant seems kinda fun and then you remember that a screaming, time-demanding, life-sucker is about to take over your life...just like a book baby!