Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Flash Fiction-Doomed




Alright, it's time for another installment of Platform-Building Awesomeness.  This week is the second challenge. And it's a doozy.

You can find the crazy insane writing prompts and rules Here.  

I tried to work in as much as I could. I used all the prompts, made it a 200-word flash fiction piece and wrote in a genre that isn't mine, dystopian YA....kind of. (and I didn't mention the pear, spoon or droplet)

Oh, and everyone is welcome to critique my story. That's right. Tear it apart! Have at it! I have thick skin, like dragon hide. Hopefully it's a bit better looking though...


Are you ready? Here we go...


Doomed


Tabby wrung out her wet hair as she leaned against the rusty bridge support.

"What did she do to us?" Everett examined the cut in his leg.  

"Something unforgivable.” Tabby’s heart began beating rapidly, her body tensed. "And it's starting again." 

Everett grabbed her hand, threading his fingers through hers. She took a deep breath, preparing for the ordeal.

Images flashed through their minds, one right after the other.  A boy in a red jacket chasing a ball. A piece of fruit bursting into water. Scrawny children rummaging through trash. A strange display of lights. The pictures pummeled their minds, asking them to see a pattern.

Then it was over. Until next time.

“Is it The New Order?” Everett wrapped his arms around her shaking body.

Tabby sighed and leaned into his chest. “The truth is there, Everett. You simply must see it.” She closed her eyes.

Everett was silent. Tabby wondered if he’d finally see the concrete bridge they sat under or the undefined landscape surrounding them. Would he piece the clues together?

“No,” Everett whispered. “It can’t be…”

Finally, he understood.

“Yes,” Tabby clung to him, knowing they were doomed.

“Erin wrote us into a difficult Campaigner Challenge.”



***

Yep, I know. I'm a dork. :)  

You can check out the other entries Here. Be sure to read a bunch of 'em. These people are amazing. And then remember to vote! (Psssst! I'm #51...but I forgot to title it with my name...oops.)

25 comments:

  1. Too funny! This week's challenge at Project Writeway is also dystopian (I've never written dystopian--this may actually be the week I get kicked off). This was fun though.

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    1. Thanks, Rosalyn! And, I know. Dystopian isn't my thing either. Good luck with yours! I'm sure you'll nail it.

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  2. That's pretty funny, how you made yourself the third character in the story. Thanks for sharing!

    #35

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    1. Thanks, Cynthia! Yeah, I have a hard time being serious. :)

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  3. Way to go, Erin.

    (Notice I didn't use an exclamation point, although I wanted to. I'm trying to be good...)

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    1. What?! My post didn't warrant exclamation points??!!! I'm appalled!!! But also grateful for the comment!!!

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  4. I've heard of the omniscient narrator, but not the omniscient protagonist. Nice twist, this was a stinking hard challenge.

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    1. Thanks, Kevin. :) And, yes, this was a hard challenge. I was glad this idea struck me this morning.

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    1. Thanks, Lauren! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  6. LOL! SO. CLEVER!
    I did not see that coming. I have to vote for this. Great job!

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    1. Thanks, Ashley! Especially for the vote. :)

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  7. Clever! Well done! I love creative twists like this. (#30)

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  8. Another excellent piece. Thanks for taking the time and sharing it. Hopefully my vote will add to many others.

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  9. I love this kind of thing. It made me laugh. Thank you. :)

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  10. LOL! I was totally into it and then burst out laughing at the end. TOO FUNNY! You're great :D "Liked"

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  11. That made me laugh - great.

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  12. Hilarious! Really good for such a short piece and you got the intensity straight off. Nice.

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  13. Lol. Great dystopian piece. I tried that too and not my usual children's genre but your's is much better. #55

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  14. Loved it! Great entry. = )
    Melissa Maygrove #14

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  15. Nice twist! Very clever entering yourself into the story!

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  16. That was a really fun read - that last line made me laugh. Love the humor and free spirit of this piece. :-)

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  17. Haha...lol. That was hilarious. And BRILLIANT!!! psst...#77...

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